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Any advice for someone that's depressed?favorite
I have a friend I met online that's depressed because of a lot of things she's going through in life, and the depression is making it worse, obviously. She feels lonely, she's sleep deprived, and her parents have caused a lot of trouble to her as well.
For a while now, I've been trying to comfort her. I tried to give advice and suggested calling a hotline or CPS (child protective services) since her parents have been abusive, but it seems that nothing I say actually helps her. She's still venting to me at 5am saying she feels lonely and says she's annoying to people when really, she's a very nice person.
As a guy that's only 14 and hasn't experienced depression the same way, I have ran out of things to tell her to help her out, so I'm here to ask you all this: How can I actually help her?
For a while now, I've been trying to comfort her. I tried to give advice and suggested calling a hotline or CPS (child protective services) since her parents have been abusive, but it seems that nothing I say actually helps her. She's still venting to me at 5am saying she feels lonely and says she's annoying to people when really, she's a very nice person.
As a guy that's only 14 and hasn't experienced depression the same way, I have ran out of things to tell her to help her out, so I'm here to ask you all this: How can I actually help her?
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when it's a friend online, unfortunately i find- there is not much you can do. I'm a guy and 14 and i can say- while i don't get abused and everyone who experiences it, experiences depression differently. personally a lot of things- small will upset me- i'm just that- already miserable. I'll have periods where i'll hurt myself- and periods where i'll nearly end it.
And buddy- i actually also have a friend that is like this. venting to me when it's night for me. thinks they are annoying when- they aren't. it really hurts. like a lot.
Just be there for her- and hope for the best for her.
not everyone makes it. just try to make the days not hurt.
u can't do much when it's over an internet connection. so try ur best.
idk why but- an example of depression for me at least is now i'm not in a good mood after writing. 😔
i wish u luck
And buddy- i actually also have a friend that is like this. venting to me when it's night for me. thinks they are annoying when- they aren't. it really hurts. like a lot.
Just be there for her- and hope for the best for her.
not everyone makes it. just try to make the days not hurt.
u can't do much when it's over an internet connection. so try ur best.
idk why but- an example of depression for me at least is now i'm not in a good mood after writing. 😔
i wish u luck
Be there for them, and if they need to vent let them
but seriously, if there parents are actually abusive in a physical sense, they need to call someone
if it’s not that serious then maybe not
but seriously, if there parents are actually abusive in a physical sense, they need to call someone
if it’s not that serious then maybe not
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The best thing you can do now is to be there for her.
She could always use the support to help her go through the hardships in life.
That's the best things you can give to a person. Not fame or fortune, just genuine feelings?
Sorry, I'm not exactly am the best one with these kinds of things as I never had good friends irl + bad literature skills never helps with these things.
Most of the time I feel like I've been used by others - they always cast me aside when they no longer need me.
Anyways,
Just be there for her when she needs to.
Most of the time, when you're lonely you'd just need someone to talk to, and you'll feel alot better about it.
Being that someone that she can talk to, that she can rely on, really helps her out.
(also, my advice is not best. I'd rate myself at a 3/10 when it comes to these kinds of things. See what other people have to say, too.)
She could always use the support to help her go through the hardships in life.
That's the best things you can give to a person. Not fame or fortune, just genuine feelings?
Sorry, I'm not exactly am the best one with these kinds of things as I never had good friends irl + bad literature skills never helps with these things.
Most of the time I feel like I've been used by others - they always cast me aside when they no longer need me.
Anyways,
Just be there for her when she needs to.
Most of the time, when you're lonely you'd just need someone to talk to, and you'll feel alot better about it.
Being that someone that she can talk to, that she can rely on, really helps her out.
(also, my advice is not best. I'd rate myself at a 3/10 when it comes to these kinds of things. See what other people have to say, too.)
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it's actually fucking horrible to advertise on a post like this.
what are you even talking about, that has nothing to do with this
Probably some sort of account made to either troll or advertise. There are a lot of those on PMC.
ah yeah that's probably it
There's plenty of advice saying to go to the professionals on here already, so I'm going to skip right pas that. Just try and be there for her, listen to what she has to say and understand her. You cannot solve the problems she sees, but you can comfort her and help her stay a little more positive than she would be without you. And sometimes venting is just really nice and relieving. You might be doing more for her than you realize :P
(P.S. This is by no means professional advice.)
(P.S. This is by no means professional advice.)
I would advise you to read about depression so you understand how complicated the situation is and how much or little you can actually do.
In english "depression" is used for two different things:
There is a mood that's called depression which is a normal temporary reaction to life events and also is a symptom of some physical diseases meaning it will vanish someday.
And there is the major depressive disorder which is an actual mental disorder (unlike the mood that's called depression) which you can do very little about. Judging by how many ways of treatment there are I get the impression not even the psychiatrists and psychoanalysts know what exactly they're doing. Medical treatment always plays a part, though, so that seems to kinda work. It looks like there's a ton of research yet to be done.
What I found personally is that there is an emotional and a cognitive depression:
You can get into cognitive depression very easily by asking yourself what the meaning of life is and end up concluding that everything is meaningless. But you can get out of it just as easily by concluding further that since nothing is that important you can try pretty much everything and just use the few years you've got to explore the Earth (this also is called optimistic nihilism).
So, getting into and out of cognitive depression works by shifting your point of view and is quite rational.
Emotional depression, on the other hand, is irrational and can't be solved by words or trains of thought. I think people who are emotionally depressed need someone close to them they can turn to meaning you can't do very much via the internet because they need the proximity to a real person. I think this is what your friend needs. Apparently there's nobody in her environment she can safely turn to so she depends on you to have some kind of emotional connection but it's not solving her depression entirely (because you are far away) it only makes it less bad if that makes sense.
I'm no expert on this matter at all, this is just what I could gather from reading a little and from my experiences. I might be very wrong xD
In english "depression" is used for two different things:
There is a mood that's called depression which is a normal temporary reaction to life events and also is a symptom of some physical diseases meaning it will vanish someday.
And there is the major depressive disorder which is an actual mental disorder (unlike the mood that's called depression) which you can do very little about. Judging by how many ways of treatment there are I get the impression not even the psychiatrists and psychoanalysts know what exactly they're doing. Medical treatment always plays a part, though, so that seems to kinda work. It looks like there's a ton of research yet to be done.
What I found personally is that there is an emotional and a cognitive depression:
You can get into cognitive depression very easily by asking yourself what the meaning of life is and end up concluding that everything is meaningless. But you can get out of it just as easily by concluding further that since nothing is that important you can try pretty much everything and just use the few years you've got to explore the Earth (this also is called optimistic nihilism).
So, getting into and out of cognitive depression works by shifting your point of view and is quite rational.
Emotional depression, on the other hand, is irrational and can't be solved by words or trains of thought. I think people who are emotionally depressed need someone close to them they can turn to meaning you can't do very much via the internet because they need the proximity to a real person. I think this is what your friend needs. Apparently there's nobody in her environment she can safely turn to so she depends on you to have some kind of emotional connection but it's not solving her depression entirely (because you are far away) it only makes it less bad if that makes sense.
I'm no expert on this matter at all, this is just what I could gather from reading a little and from my experiences. I might be very wrong xD
Does she play minecraft? Genuinely! Play minecraft with her! It's fun!
just dont be depressed lmfao
tf is wrong with you. actual.
so true lmfao
No one's laughing
What a long day you had.. have fun!
um...
i'm not love doctor but..
just say "i love you"
i'm not love doctor but..
just say "i love you"
I think that has too much romantic connotations and not the correct thing to say in a time like this
I understand your struggle, I go through it daily, But is PMC really the right place to talk about it? Go somewhere else, Like a forum for mental health or something like that.
Anywhere with a community that offers conversations that can stem to real life subjects would be a good place to talk about issues or anything real life related.
PMC specifically less so, as a chunk of the forum base are kids, but its still valid
PMC specifically less so, as a chunk of the forum base are kids, but its still valid
I don't know if you've even read anyone else's messages, but yes, this is a great place to talk about it. Any community works, but from what I've seen, PMC is a nice and open community and I've seen many people get help and support from here. Many people here are quite easy for me to talk to and are nice. This website provides a nice and easy way to share our things, including topics like this, so I like it here.
Read the other comments if you don't understand my point. It's been less than a day and I've gotten so many replies to help me with this situation, and quite a few emeralds on the forum, showing support and awareness. I'd say that this makes a nice and loving community to share our thoughts about, regardless on if it's related to Minecraft or not.
If you don't see this community as a place to talk and get help, this place is not for you
Read the other comments if you don't understand my point. It's been less than a day and I've gotten so many replies to help me with this situation, and quite a few emeralds on the forum, showing support and awareness. I'd say that this makes a nice and loving community to share our thoughts about, regardless on if it's related to Minecraft or not.
If you don't see this community as a place to talk and get help, this place is not for you
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maybe call the cops or something
im not an english expert so i dont really know about CPS but
i mean where i live there is this police system thing that are made for kids bcuz of their parents hurting their children
some parents even KILL here
idk if that helped
im not an english expert so i dont really know about CPS but
i mean where i live there is this police system thing that are made for kids bcuz of their parents hurting their children
some parents even KILL here
idk if that helped
CPS is basically that, they can take the child away from the person who is being abusive, and the child can be taken to a foster home for safety
ohhhhh
I would recommend calling CPS for her. If her parents are abusive and aren't helping her situation in any way, she needs some intervention. CPS or another hotline, maybe getting her to go to a relatives house. That's all I can suggest.
Unfortunately I can't get help for her because she lives far from where I am. I have suggested to call hotlines and CPS, though, and she did call a hotline so that's nice
I really wish I had something meaningful to say, something to recommend... but apart from the endless adage I've seen here- "try to help her"- I've got nothing. Depression is awful. And if her parents are actually abusive, then CPS would be the logical next step.
And while this sounds absolutely horrible, you've only met her online, and she could be narcissistically trying to get attention for an entirely separate reason. Again, I'm not trying to say this is actually what's going on, but I've learned never to (fully) trust someone I've only talked to online.
I assume you've already done this, but try talking over a VC or in some other way. Internet contact is way shakier than just, you know, talking it out.
And while this sounds absolutely horrible, you've only met her online, and she could be narcissistically trying to get attention for an entirely separate reason. Again, I'm not trying to say this is actually what's going on, but I've learned never to (fully) trust someone I've only talked to online.
I assume you've already done this, but try talking over a VC or in some other way. Internet contact is way shakier than just, you know, talking it out.
Random comment, music is very fun to play (i mean learning to play an instrument)
maybe that could help in someway too u no
some people cheer up when they play music
some people cheer up when they play music
Yes, I do cheer up when I play music.
What instrument? I spend hours just messing around on piano.
Piano here too! (Technically it's a keyboard synthesizer but it looks like a piano and usually sounds reasonably close to a piano)
Play In Dreams these days, which is awesome.
Play In Dreams these days, which is awesome.
First off all, you need to identify why her parents are abusive, since theres a chance it might be because of exams or something like that. The prime reason someone usually gets into depression is, because they just do nothing. Even if you do something boring, as long as you divert your attention and focus depression should start to occur less. She might want to consider moving out if she is not happy with her parents, but it will be very hard to get used to earning your own money and doing other house chores. Or she can just sign to a dorm.
From what I've heard from her, it seems that her parents are hurting her for no good reason. For example, her mother told her to do chores outside, and she did it, and her mother still thinks she didn't do it so she used a power washer on her as a punishment. I haven't talked to her about her grades or anything but her parents also seem to get mad about her performance in school. I can assure you that she really is trying a lot.
I always show her that I care about her and she does seem to realize it, but in the end she would just say something like "idk" or "that's nothing" and it's as if nothing I've said was helpful. I'm bilingual so I'm not the best with English grammar, so sometimes I end up saying things that I don't mean, and she would be confused and the conversation stops, so from my past experiences as well, I think it's important to say something good.
She's the same age as me, so she can't move out by herself or earn money. I suggested she can be taken to a foster home if CPS realizes that her parents are abusive, but she doesn't like the idea of a foster home because she "doesn't want to be controlled by anyone anymore". She's considered to run away and live on the streets because she says she would now be free, but a runaway is obviously dangerous so I stopped her from doing that.
I always show her that I care about her and she does seem to realize it, but in the end she would just say something like "idk" or "that's nothing" and it's as if nothing I've said was helpful. I'm bilingual so I'm not the best with English grammar, so sometimes I end up saying things that I don't mean, and she would be confused and the conversation stops, so from my past experiences as well, I think it's important to say something good.
She's the same age as me, so she can't move out by herself or earn money. I suggested she can be taken to a foster home if CPS realizes that her parents are abusive, but she doesn't like the idea of a foster home because she "doesn't want to be controlled by anyone anymore". She's considered to run away and live on the streets because she says she would now be free, but a runaway is obviously dangerous so I stopped her from doing that.
as someone who has lived in every garbage out there, i would still not be able to give you a clear answer about stopping her being right or not. From the time i lived on the streets, that was when i actually matured the most and became an actual human afterwards. I sometimes like to think that i owe my current life to my garbage past. But most people who live on the streets just turn into drug-users and stuff, so i can not give a clear answer to what she will become. Does she have grandparents? Or any sort of relatives she can stay/live at? That might be a choice
Just be there for her, idk. I do have a friend girl and she deal with stuff like that too. i met her on discord when i was 15 and she is also my schoolmates. She had no friends and have depression until now. But a lot of things have change since then like she now have more friends than she used to and just more happy overall. All i can say is just be the shoulder for her to cry on to and make her happy. That's really all u can do because u are just 14. And also don't expect that she would love u back if u do like her. idk about this bit, it might just be me :(
I've been trying to comfort her as well, but unfortunately unlike you, I only know them online and I don't see them at school or anywhere else, so I can't help her out as much. The only way I can help her out is with words, and I'm not the best with words, so it doesn't seem to work.
Also about the "love u back" thing, she actually confessed that she likes me but I'm not quite into online relationships :p
Also about the "love u back" thing, she actually confessed that she likes me but I'm not quite into online relationships :p
my relationship with her is pretty much just like you. we never ever met in person because we started being friends during the pandemic started and abt 2 month ago she move out to other school. i dont think we will ever meet in person in the near future because we still in pandemic so yeahhh :sadge:
I'm currently going through depression, and it sucks. I often mask from myself, which means I don't know what I'm feeling often at times and I think I'm full of joy. Turns out, I've had depression for 3 months.
Advice for you and her:
Maybe if she has some friends you know, then you guys can get together on a video chat with her. You can tell some jokes, play mc, stuff like that.
Here's some advice that I also learned from Ted Ed: Don't compare depression to a time you were depressed. it only will hurt her into feeling down she hasn't cheered up.
The same goes for saying "cheer up." She'll also feel down on herself.
Ask her for suicidal thoughts. Her safety is her number one priority as her friend.
If she has any, don't just say "Well don't do it!" Because then she'll think she can't trust you and will push you away. You only feel more alone (I know this from experience :/)
Anxiety could also play a role. As a gifted person who's had anxiety their entire life, I can understand that depression only gets worse.
So I hope I could help! Let me know how things go :)
Advice for you and her:
Maybe if she has some friends you know, then you guys can get together on a video chat with her. You can tell some jokes, play mc, stuff like that.
Here's some advice that I also learned from Ted Ed: Don't compare depression to a time you were depressed. it only will hurt her into feeling down she hasn't cheered up.
The same goes for saying "cheer up." She'll also feel down on herself.
Ask her for suicidal thoughts. Her safety is her number one priority as her friend.
If she has any, don't just say "Well don't do it!" Because then she'll think she can't trust you and will push you away. You only feel more alone (I know this from experience :/)
Anxiety could also play a role. As a gifted person who's had anxiety their entire life, I can understand that depression only gets worse.
So I hope I could help! Let me know how things go :)
Yeah I've been playing games with her and she seems to be having fun. Sadly, though, she doesn't have a lot of friends around her so we can't hang out with a lot of people, but I think it's still quite enjoyable
Fortunately, she says she doesn't want to commit suicide and it's not an option she'll ever choose.
I'm glad that you're aware with your depression, I hope you'll be able to get over it as well :)
Fortunately, she says she doesn't want to commit suicide and it's not an option she'll ever choose.
I'm glad that you're aware with your depression, I hope you'll be able to get over it as well :)
Only way you can stop depression is firstly to change your life for the better. Now seeing as you and your friend are both so young I apricate that isn't easy as you have no real control over your life; so you cant change your job, or move house... But, you can do simple things like exercise more (very important as endorphins make you happy and using up your energy will also help you sleep at night and combat insomnia), socialise more, talk to new people, pursue new hobbies, try new things.
Secondly you need to change your perceptions of the world. Instead of twisting everything in your mind into a negative thing, start looking at things from a positive perspective. Depression is all in the mind. Change your thinking and perspective and things start to look a lot better.
For example: Instead of thinking "life sucks & I want out", you could be thinking "life is a bit poo right now, but I am only 14 and I have my whole life a head of me."
It took me more than a decade to snap out of it, and it's not going to happen over night. Changing the way you think is very difficult and it will take a long long time.
Also please consider this. Life has it's ups and downs, and if it wasn't for the downs we wouldn't have the ups. If you have never felt depression, that dark horrible helpless pit of despair, then when things are good how could you possibly know they were good because you would have nothing to compare and measure your happiness by? You need to experience these lows in life just to know what absolute happiness is.
"Things will get better." Now I used to hate being told that when I was sad, its much like "cheer up", but I'm telling you - they really do.
EDIT
Thirdly, do yourself a massive favour and quit all social media. No facebook, no instagram, absolutely no tiktok (evidently from the bizzare narcissistic content on there tiktok has massive implications on mental health), and when you are old enough no dating apps (or meat markets as I call them). Start living in reality and break all those nasty addictions. Social media has a lot to answer for with regards to the mental health of young people. Its making you miserable and distracting you from the non digital reality - the real world.
Secondly you need to change your perceptions of the world. Instead of twisting everything in your mind into a negative thing, start looking at things from a positive perspective. Depression is all in the mind. Change your thinking and perspective and things start to look a lot better.
For example: Instead of thinking "life sucks & I want out", you could be thinking "life is a bit poo right now, but I am only 14 and I have my whole life a head of me."
It took me more than a decade to snap out of it, and it's not going to happen over night. Changing the way you think is very difficult and it will take a long long time.
Also please consider this. Life has it's ups and downs, and if it wasn't for the downs we wouldn't have the ups. If you have never felt depression, that dark horrible helpless pit of despair, then when things are good how could you possibly know they were good because you would have nothing to compare and measure your happiness by? You need to experience these lows in life just to know what absolute happiness is.
"Things will get better." Now I used to hate being told that when I was sad, its much like "cheer up", but I'm telling you - they really do.
EDIT
Thirdly, do yourself a massive favour and quit all social media. No facebook, no instagram, absolutely no tiktok (evidently from the bizzare narcissistic content on there tiktok has massive implications on mental health), and when you are old enough no dating apps (or meat markets as I call them). Start living in reality and break all those nasty addictions. Social media has a lot to answer for with regards to the mental health of young people. Its making you miserable and distracting you from the non digital reality - the real world.
make her a datapack that gives her superpowers!
mash every single OP datapack in one!
ᶦ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵈᵃᵗᵃᵖᵃᶜᵏˢ ˢᵒ ⁿᵒ
yo muny
... ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʙʀɪɴɢ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇss
But it's better to cry in lamborgini than at your bike
This isn't the time to joke around, fool.
(Alright, I was joking...)
(Alright, I was joking...)
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