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Any advice for someone that's depressed?favorite

YokaiS's Avatar YokaiS7/12/21 5:44 am
20 emeralds 544 55
8/9/2021 7:47 am
ItsNovaCake's Avatar ItsNovaCake
I have a friend I met online that's depressed because of a lot of things she's going through in life, and the depression is making it worse, obviously. She feels lonely, she's sleep deprived, and her parents have caused a lot of trouble to her as well.

For a while now, I've been trying to comfort her. I tried to give advice and suggested calling a hotline or CPS (child protective services) since her parents have been abusive, but it seems that nothing I say actually helps her. She's still venting to me at 5am saying she feels lonely and says she's annoying to people when really, she's a very nice person.

As a guy that's only 14 and hasn't experienced depression the same way, I have ran out of things to tell her to help her out, so I'm here to ask you all this: How can I actually help her?
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YokaiS
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Senpai
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ItsNovaCake
08/09/2021 7:47 am
Level 54 : Grandmaster Technomancer
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when it's a friend online, unfortunately i find- there is not much you can do. I'm a guy and 14 and i can say- while i don't get abused and everyone who experiences it, experiences depression differently. personally a lot of things- small will upset me- i'm just that- already miserable. I'll have periods where i'll hurt myself- and periods where i'll nearly end it.

And buddy- i actually also have a friend that is like this. venting to me when it's night for me. thinks they are annoying when- they aren't. it really hurts. like a lot.

Just be there for her- and hope for the best for her.

not everyone makes it. just try to make the days not hurt.

u can't do much when it's over an internet connection. so try ur best.


idk why but- an example of depression for me at least is now i'm not in a good mood after writing. 😔


i wish u luck
2
chickenpants93
08/09/2021 7:10 am
Level 55 : Grandmaster Birb
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Be there for them, and if they need to vent let them
but seriously, if there parents are actually abusive in a physical sense, they need to call someone
if it’s not that serious then maybe not
2
JannsonQui
08/09/2021 6:46 am
Level 1 : New Miner
history
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Depression is a bad condition. Many people do not attach any importance to this, thinking that it will pass. But in fact, this is a serious disease that requires treatment or at least prevention. I have come across this in my life. It wasn’t too serious. But I treated it. I worked a lot with my psychologist, took medications. premium CBD Oil Tinctures was a real discovery for me. I did not think that a drug could be made from hemp that would be safe and effective. I can say it is a good way to fight depression. You can get more information about CBD oil on https://kimberly-james.com/product/cbd-oil/ . You can be sure it really works!
1
TheDiamondPlayables
07/27/2021 9:52 am
Level 83 : Elite Programmer
history
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The best thing you can do now is to be there for her.
She could always use the support to help her go through the hardships in life.

That's the best things you can give to a person. Not fame or fortune, just genuine feelings?

Sorry, I'm not exactly am the best one with these kinds of things as I never had good friends irl + bad literature skills never helps with these things.
Most of the time I feel like I've been used by others - they always cast me aside when they no longer need me.

Anyways,
Just be there for her when she needs to.
Most of the time, when you're lonely you'd just need someone to talk to, and you'll feel alot better about it.
Being that someone that she can talk to, that she can rely on, really helps her out.

(also, my advice is not best. I'd rate myself at a 3/10 when it comes to these kinds of things. See what other people have to say, too.)
2
Pikalo
07/27/2021 8:26 am
Level 1 : New Miner
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Internet casino definitely work because of the opportunity, flexibility and convenience they offer. Online platforms like https://gg.bet/en/casino/new have made it possible to participate in all major casino held anywhere in the world, away from your home or office.
1
ItsNovaCake
08/09/2021 7:41 am
Level 54 : Grandmaster Technomancer
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it's actually fucking horrible to advertise on a post like this.
2
MASTRIO
07/27/2021 8:54 am
Level 9 : Apprentice Goblin
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what are you even talking about, that has nothing to do with this
3
Pleasenotme
07/27/2021 9:29 am
Level 59 : Grandmaster Nerd
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Probably some sort of account made to either troll or advertise. There are a lot of those on PMC.
2
MASTRIO
07/28/2021 2:52 am
Level 9 : Apprentice Goblin
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ah yeah that's probably it
2
Bertiecrafter
07/20/2021 1:55 am
Level 70 : Legendary Engineer
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There's plenty of advice saying to go to the professionals on here already, so I'm going to skip right pas that. Just try and be there for her, listen to what she has to say and understand her. You cannot solve the problems she sees, but you can comfort her and help her stay a little more positive than she would be without you. And sometimes venting is just really nice and relieving. You might be doing more for her than you realize :P

(P.S. This is by no means professional advice.)
4
Captain_JEK
07/14/2021 9:20 pm
Level 87 : Elite Deity
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I would advise you to read about depression so you understand how complicated the situation is and how much or little you can actually do.

In english "depression" is used for two different things:
There is a mood that's called depression which is a normal temporary reaction to life events and also is a symptom of some physical diseases meaning it will vanish someday.
And there is the major depressive disorder which is an actual mental disorder (unlike the mood that's called depression) which you can do very little about. Judging by how many ways of treatment there are I get the impression not even the psychiatrists and psychoanalysts know what exactly they're doing. Medical treatment always plays a part, though, so that seems to kinda work. It looks like there's a ton of research yet to be done.


What I found personally is that there is an emotional and a cognitive depression:

You can get into cognitive depression very easily by asking yourself what the meaning of life is and end up concluding that everything is meaningless. But you can get out of it just as easily by concluding further that since nothing is that important you can try pretty much everything and just use the few years you've got to explore the Earth (this also is called optimistic nihilism).
So, getting into and out of cognitive depression works by shifting your point of view and is quite rational.

Emotional depression, on the other hand, is irrational and can't be solved by words or trains of thought. I think people who are emotionally depressed need someone close to them they can turn to meaning you can't do very much via the internet because they need the proximity to a real person. I think this is what your friend needs. Apparently there's nobody in her environment she can safely turn to so she depends on you to have some kind of emotional connection but it's not solving her depression entirely (because you are far away) it only makes it less bad if that makes sense.


I'm no expert on this matter at all, this is just what I could gather from reading a little and from my experiences. I might be very wrong xD
3
TheMCMultitasker
07/14/2021 8:32 am
Level 41 : Master Procrastinator
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Does she play minecraft? Genuinely! Play minecraft with her! It's fun!
2
18kozak
07/14/2021 8:03 am
Level 8 : Apprentice Mage
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just dont be depressed lmfao
1
ItsNovaCake
08/09/2021 7:42 am
Level 54 : Grandmaster Technomancer
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tf is wrong with you. actual.
1
BASSJANK
07/14/2021 3:55 pm
Level 10 : Journeyman Miner
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so true lmfao
1
Echo4Al8RexCoco
07/14/2021 3:50 pm
Level 29 : Expert Musician
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No one's laughing
4
Auspop_M
07/14/2021 6:25 am
Level 37 : Artisan Musician
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What a long day you had.. have fun!
1
SoapSoapSoap
07/14/2021 5:29 am
Level 44 : Master Procrastinator
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um...
i'm not love doctor but..
just say "i love you"
1
HoboMaggot
07/14/2021 5:37 am
Level 52 : Grandmaster Blob
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I think that has too much romantic connotations and not the correct thing to say in a time like this
1
Anticitizen
07/12/2021 10:26 pm
Level 11 : Journeyman Miner
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I understand your struggle, I go through it daily, But is PMC really the right place to talk about it? Go somewhere else, Like a forum for mental health or something like that.
2
HoboMaggot
07/14/2021 6:01 am
Level 52 : Grandmaster Blob
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Anywhere with a community that offers conversations that can stem to real life subjects would be a good place to talk about issues or anything real life related.
PMC specifically less so, as a chunk of the forum base are kids, but its still valid
3
YokaiS
07/12/2021 10:40 pm
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Senpai
history
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I don't know if you've even read anyone else's messages, but yes, this is a great place to talk about it. Any community works, but from what I've seen, PMC is a nice and open community and I've seen many people get help and support from here. Many people here are quite easy for me to talk to and are nice. This website provides a nice and easy way to share our things, including topics like this, so I like it here.

Read the other comments if you don't understand my point. It's been less than a day and I've gotten so many replies to help me with this situation, and quite a few emeralds on the forum, showing support and awareness. I'd say that this makes a nice and loving community to share our thoughts about, regardless on if it's related to Minecraft or not.

If you don't see this community as a place to talk and get help, this place is not for you
4
anonpmc2747568
07/12/2021 10:04 pm
Level 13 : Journeyman Miner
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[deleted]
2
MJ_mcMaster
07/12/2021 7:56 pm
Level 56 : Grandmaster Lego Builder
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maybe call the cops or something
im not an english expert so i dont really know about CPS but
i mean where i live there is this police system thing that are made for kids bcuz of their parents hurting their children
some parents even KILL here
idk if that helped
2
YokaiS
07/12/2021 8:41 pm
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Senpai
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CPS is basically that, they can take the child away from the person who is being abusive, and the child can be taken to a foster home for safety
3
MJ_mcMaster
07/12/2021 8:42 pm
Level 56 : Grandmaster Lego Builder
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ohhhhh
2
AzaDoesStuff
07/12/2021 7:21 pm
Level 13 : Journeyman Waffle
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I would recommend calling CPS for her. If her parents are abusive and aren't helping her situation in any way, she needs some intervention. CPS or another hotline, maybe getting her to go to a relatives house. That's all I can suggest.
2
YokaiS
07/12/2021 8:40 pm
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Senpai
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Unfortunately I can't get help for her because she lives far from where I am. I have suggested to call hotlines and CPS, though, and she did call a hotline so that's nice
2
Chimerabot
07/12/2021 6:03 pm
Level 58 : Grandmaster Theorist
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I really wish I had something meaningful to say, something to recommend... but apart from the endless adage I've seen here- "try to help her"- I've got nothing. Depression is awful. And if her parents are actually abusive, then CPS would be the logical next step.

And while this sounds absolutely horrible, you've only met her online, and she could be narcissistically trying to get attention for an entirely separate reason. Again, I'm not trying to say this is actually what's going on, but I've learned never to (fully) trust someone I've only talked to online.

I assume you've already done this, but try talking over a VC or in some other way. Internet contact is way shakier than just, you know, talking it out.
2
Pleasenotme
07/12/2021 11:01 am
Level 59 : Grandmaster Nerd
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Random comment, music is very fun to play (i mean learning to play an instrument)
1
MJ_mcMaster
07/12/2021 7:53 pm
Level 56 : Grandmaster Lego Builder
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maybe that could help in someway too u no
some people cheer up when they play music
1
Pleasenotme
07/12/2021 9:57 pm
Level 59 : Grandmaster Nerd
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Yes, I do cheer up when I play music.
3
Echo4Al8RexCoco
07/14/2021 3:52 pm
Level 29 : Expert Musician
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What instrument? I spend hours just messing around on piano.
1
Pleasenotme
07/14/2021 10:11 pm
Level 59 : Grandmaster Nerd
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Piano here too! (Technically it's a keyboard synthesizer but it looks like a piano and usually sounds reasonably close to a piano)

Play In Dreams these days, which is awesome.
1
PepeFitness
07/12/2021 10:44 am
Level 8 : Apprentice Crafter
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First off all, you need to identify why her parents are abusive, since theres a chance it might be because of exams or something like that. The prime reason someone usually gets into depression is, because they just do nothing. Even if you do something boring, as long as you divert your attention and focus depression should start to occur less. She might want to consider moving out if she is not happy with her parents, but it will be very hard to get used to earning your own money and doing other house chores. Or she can just sign to a dorm.
4
YokaiS
07/12/2021 5:07 pm
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Senpai
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From what I've heard from her, it seems that her parents are hurting her for no good reason. For example, her mother told her to do chores outside, and she did it, and her mother still thinks she didn't do it so she used a power washer on her as a punishment. I haven't talked to her about her grades or anything but her parents also seem to get mad about her performance in school. I can assure you that she really is trying a lot.

I always show her that I care about her and she does seem to realize it, but in the end she would just say something like "idk" or "that's nothing" and it's as if nothing I've said was helpful. I'm bilingual so I'm not the best with English grammar, so sometimes I end up saying things that I don't mean, and she would be confused and the conversation stops, so from my past experiences as well, I think it's important to say something good.

She's the same age as me, so she can't move out by herself or earn money. I suggested she can be taken to a foster home if CPS realizes that her parents are abusive, but she doesn't like the idea of a foster home because she "doesn't want to be controlled by anyone anymore". She's considered to run away and live on the streets because she says she would now be free, but a runaway is obviously dangerous so I stopped her from doing that.
3
PepeFitness
07/14/2021 4:48 am
Level 8 : Apprentice Crafter
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as someone who has lived in every garbage out there, i would still not be able to give you a clear answer about stopping her being right or not. From the time i lived on the streets, that was when i actually matured the most and became an actual human afterwards. I sometimes like to think that i owe my current life to my garbage past. But most people who live on the streets just turn into drug-users and stuff, so i can not give a clear answer to what she will become. Does she have grandparents? Or any sort of relatives she can stay/live at? That might be a choice
2
r3port
07/12/2021 7:38 am
Level 1 : New Network
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Just be there for her, idk. I do have a friend girl and she deal with stuff like that too. i met her on discord when i was 15 and she is also my schoolmates. She had no friends and have depression until now. But a lot of things have change since then like she now have more friends than she used to and just more happy overall. All i can say is just be the shoulder for her to cry on to and make her happy. That's really all u can do because u are just 14. And also don't expect that she would love u back if u do like her. idk about this bit, it might just be me :(
5
YokaiS
07/12/2021 5:10 pm
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Senpai
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I've been trying to comfort her as well, but unfortunately unlike you, I only know them online and I don't see them at school or anywhere else, so I can't help her out as much. The only way I can help her out is with words, and I'm not the best with words, so it doesn't seem to work.

Also about the "love u back" thing, she actually confessed that she likes me but I'm not quite into online relationships :p
2
r3port
07/20/2021 12:27 am
Level 1 : New Network
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my relationship with her is pretty much just like you. we never ever met in person because we started being friends during the pandemic started and abt 2 month ago she move out to other school. i dont think we will ever meet in person in the near future because we still in pandemic so yeahhh :sadge:
1
B e c c a
07/12/2021 7:31 am
Level 34 : Artisan uwu
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I'm currently going through depression, and it sucks. I often mask from myself, which means I don't know what I'm feeling often at times and I think I'm full of joy. Turns out, I've had depression for 3 months.

Advice for you and her:
Maybe if she has some friends you know, then you guys can get together on a video chat with her. You can tell some jokes, play mc, stuff like that.
Here's some advice that I also learned from Ted Ed: Don't compare depression to a time you were depressed. it only will hurt her into feeling down she hasn't cheered up.
The same goes for saying "cheer up." She'll also feel down on herself.
Ask her for suicidal thoughts. Her safety is her number one priority as her friend.
If she has any, don't just say "Well don't do it!" Because then she'll think she can't trust you and will push you away. You only feel more alone (I know this from experience :/)
Anxiety could also play a role. As a gifted person who's had anxiety their entire life, I can understand that depression only gets worse.

So I hope I could help! Let me know how things go :)
9
YokaiS
07/12/2021 8:37 pm
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Senpai
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Yeah I've been playing games with her and she seems to be having fun. Sadly, though, she doesn't have a lot of friends around her so we can't hang out with a lot of people, but I think it's still quite enjoyable

Fortunately, she says she doesn't want to commit suicide and it's not an option she'll ever choose.

I'm glad that you're aware with your depression, I hope you'll be able to get over it as well :)
2
ZonkedCompanion
07/12/2021 7:30 am
Level 32 : Artisan Pirate
history
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Only way you can stop depression is firstly to change your life for the better. Now seeing as you and your friend are both so young I apricate that isn't easy as you have no real control over your life; so you cant change your job, or move house... But, you can do simple things like exercise more (very important as endorphins make you happy and using up your energy will also help you sleep at night and combat insomnia), socialise more, talk to new people, pursue new hobbies, try new things.

Secondly you need to change your perceptions of the world. Instead of twisting everything in your mind into a negative thing, start looking at things from a positive perspective. Depression is all in the mind. Change your thinking and perspective and things start to look a lot better.

For example: Instead of thinking "life sucks & I want out", you could be thinking "life is a bit poo right now, but I am only 14 and I have my whole life a head of me."

It took me more than a decade to snap out of it, and it's not going to happen over night. Changing the way you think is very difficult and it will take a long long time.

Also please consider this. Life has it's ups and downs, and if it wasn't for the downs we wouldn't have the ups. If you have never felt depression, that dark horrible helpless pit of despair, then when things are good how could you possibly know they were good because you would have nothing to compare and measure your happiness by? You need to experience these lows in life just to know what absolute happiness is.

"Things will get better." Now I used to hate being told that when I was sad, its much like "cheer up", but I'm telling you - they really do.



EDIT

Thirdly, do yourself a massive favour and quit all social media. No facebook, no instagram, absolutely no tiktok (evidently from the bizzare narcissistic content on there tiktok has massive implications on mental health), and when you are old enough no dating apps (or meat markets as I call them). Start living in reality and break all those nasty addictions. Social media has a lot to answer for with regards to the mental health of young people. Its making you miserable and distracting you from the non digital reality - the real world.
4
Kerzinator_24
07/12/2021 7:29 am
Level 31 : Artisan Modder
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make her a datapack that gives her superpowers!
2
Kerzinator_24
07/12/2021 7:29 am
Level 31 : Artisan Modder
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mash every single OP datapack in one!
1
YokaiS
07/12/2021 9:14 pm
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Senpai
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ᶦ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵈᵃᵗᵃᵖᵃᶜᵏˢ ˢᵒ ⁿᵒ
1
User3704801G
07/12/2021 6:32 am
Level 1 : New Miner
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yo muny
3
The ExiIed FeIIow
07/12/2021 6:36 am
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Imposter
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... ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʙʀɪɴɢ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇss

2
Papa Enny
07/12/2021 7:18 am
Level 57 : Grandmaster Scapegoat
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But it's better to cry in lamborgini than at your bike
3
The ExiIed FeIIow
07/12/2021 10:35 am
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Imposter
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This isn't the time to joke around, fool.

(Alright, I was joking...)
3
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